Category Archives: head to heart

It’s there.  The unasked question.  Well, mostly unasked, I guess.  I’ve been asked the unasked question once in the past couple of years.  By an individual whom I’ve always known to be very blunt, and before, it seemed, she could stop her thoughts from becoming these words…

“Why on earth are you homeschooling?  How are you homeschooling?  I mean, how can you homeschool with a newborn baby at home?”

(Side note: that newborn was much easier to homeschool with than the spunky toddler I now find myself dealing with!)

As frank and in-your-face as her words were, I actually loved her candor.  I got a chance to share my heart with her (here’s an old post about that) and even though she may still have been questioning my sanity, I think – ahem, I hope – she understood me a little bit.

For the most part, though, I feel misunderstood.  I know the unasked question is there, I perceive it hidden behind off-the-cuff comments like,”I could never homeschool. It’s just way too hard.” And truth be told, sometimes I don’t even understand myself. When I loose sight of the big picture, my daily grind really and truly seems foolish. Consider my previous post.  That little scene is played out several times a week – minus the orange marker – in our home.  Along with grumpiness, bad attitudes and frustration. And then my friend’s candid question, the unasked question, echos through my mind, “Why on earth are you homeschooling?”

A friend of mine, and fellow homeschooler, Laura Krause, preached this Mother’s Day message yesterday at Bethany Church.  It was “the bomb.” Bethany Church has some of the best, Biblically sound, and most challenging preaching in the entire world (not to mention the best worship leader in the entire world! ) but this sermon…it was crafted for me.  I’m sure it was. I’m not sure if it had a title, and if it did, I’m taking the liberty of retitling it “I Choose Hard.”

I choose hard. That’s what I do every day. Every. Single. Day. Homeschooling, though incredibly rewarding, is so hard.

But.

I choose hard.  Why? I’m reminded of the famous poem by Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken.  I love the last stanza:

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Years ago now, a prophetic word* was spoken to me that has impacted me greatly. The gist of it was this: that the years that I would spend mothering my children – small and insignificant though they seem – were impacting eternity, and they were preparing me for something much, much greater. Wow. How ’bout that?

Friends, many are the days that I would love to be sending my school aged children off to school on a school bus. They try my patience!  But they are also refining me. Everyday I am challenged to walk in meekness, humility and servitude; the very hallmarks of Christianity. I fail. I fail a lot. But I walk victoriously a lot too! And by walking in victory, by persevering every day, by spending my time and energy on my children, I believe I am preparing myself for “something much, much greater.”

Again, it’s hard. It’s The Road Not Taken. But I choose that road. I choose hard.

P.S. The Road Not Taken for me may not be your “road.”  I’m not suggesting that you should be homeschooling. I’m just answering the unasked question…mostly for myself.

P.P.S. Oh, and there is a lot of fun that is had together in this homeschooling home too!

*Prophetic words spoken by one believer to another believer, or group of believers, in our present time are different, of course, from Biblical prophecy. Biblical prophecy is true and absolute, I believe, while prophecy today is…well, kind of more like an invitation. You can receive the “word” or not. And, of course, the “word” should absolutely line up with the Bible! I could write so much more about prophetic words, but that would be a whole other post!  

I love living and working around the students at Bethany College of Missions. They provoke me to live wholly for God. The Bethany campus fasts together on Tuesdays and we gather at noon to worship and pray together and I get to lead worship for it! This last week one of the mentors, Rachele Ward, and others went to promote Bethany at a local music fest and awesome stuff happened. I’ll let her tell you the story. I pass this on to encourage you to love God with everything and step out even in uncertainty!

It all started after setting up the BCOM booth at Desperation in Colorado Springs. Amy went into the bathroom and heard a junior high girl saying, “It really hurts, I think I’m going to have to go back to the hotel.” Seeing her in obvious agony Amy went up to the girl and asked if she could pray for healing, the girl agreed and her friends shyly joined in. As Amy was walking away she asked how she was feeling. The girl’s stunned reply was, “It actually feels a lot better!” Encouraged by this experience Amy mentioned this in her Facebook status. I saw this the next day as the Lord was challenging me

Several people, including myself, all promoted Bethany College of Missions at Sonshine Fest.  Saturday morning I felt the Lord heavily speaking to me, “Rachele you are here to bring my Kingdom not to promote BCOM.”  We are to bring the Lord’s Kingdom wherever we are… sometimes I forget this.  He was really stirring in me.  I went to the other two girls and I began to tell them what the Lord was speaking.  One person mentioned the scripture in Hebrews 6 that says, “Therefore, let us leave the elementary teachings about Christ and go on to maturity, not laying again the foundation of repentance from acts that lead to death, and of faith in God, instruction about baptisms, the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead and the eternal judgment.”  The Lord began wrecking our hearts.  They classify raising people from the dead as elementary teachings?!  That is crazy!  We also talked about the verse, “the same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead lives in us.”  That is crazy to think about.

I went back to my tent and left the girls and the promotion booth.  I told the Lord that if He wanted me to step out and lay hands on people and pray for random people I would but I needed Him to back me up otherwise I have nothing to work with.  As I waited on Him and I still felt like He was saying He wanted to break in at Sonshine. I also felt we needed to bring a Kingdom perspective – but how?

I went back to our booth and a few more students were there and I told them what the Lord had been stirring in our hearts.  One got excited and said he was going to make signs.  He made one that said “NEED PRAYER?” and another that said “NEED HEALING?”  We prayed and asked the Lord to bring only who He wanted.  From the time we began until four hours later people didn’t stop coming.  We began laying hands on people and praying for their requests.  At one point one of the girls asked this guy if we could ask the Lord for a word or prophecy for him.  In my head I was like, “Do not sign me up to prophesy.”  But the Lord quickly reminded me that He is the Shepherd and I can hear His voice.  From that time on we prayed for people but we also all listened to see if the Lord wanted to speak to us about the people.  This is how the Lord allowed us to bring a Kingdom perspective.  We began calling them forth into who the Lord created them to be.  We spoke truth over them and prophesied.  People began to come up for healing and they were being healed!  The first time we prayed we would ask how they felt and they said better so we prayed again until they were healed!  I am not sure why the Lord waited 2-3 times but He did.  A guy’s back was healed, a shoulder, ankles, depression, schizophrenia, sickness.  We prayed for a lady who was addicted to narcotics and was beginning the withdrawal process.  Some of the girls prayed over her and later she came back and said the Lord was healing her but she was being attacked by the enemy.  She was shaking and stuttering.  I believe she was manifesting (a demon).  We prayed over her until she stopped shaking.

People were running to get their friends and brought them back for the Lord to heal them.  It was beautiful.  One guy came up and said that He wished he knew what he was doing.  He wished he could do what we were doing.  I told him we didn’t know what we were doing either.  I told him the process of the Lord speaking this morning.  I asked him if he felt weak and then told him to jump on board.  He was able to lay hands on people with us and see the Lord heal.  It is amazing how the Lord delights in our weakness.  How in our weakness He just asks for obedience. Simply beautiful!

The vendor next to us was running her booth by herself all weekend.  If she wanted to go to the bathroom, she had to lock up all of her stuff.  So we went and got her food sometimes to make it easier on her.  Saturday night her husband showed up and I introduced myself.  He said that he knew a little about us.  I thought that was an odd statement for someone you just met.  He said when he got here his wife leaned over, pointed to us and whispered, “Those people are the real deal, honey.”  I started crying.  The Lord really spoke to my heart through that.  I felt the Lord’s heart for the end time church.  I thought about that scripture that says they will know us by our love.  I always wondered what that would look like.  I feel like I got a glimpse. That love is going to come through obedience in our weakness.  We are going to love the Father and people are going to see the overflow of our hearts.  Not in just hugs and joyfulness but in obedience in laying hands on people.  It was beautiful.  The Lord is beautiful.

Be encouraged! Living on this campus is a blast and I am excited to see what else God does in and through us. This is just a taste of the age to come. These students and mentors are “the real deal, honey”!

So…homeschooling. I do realize that this is a topic fraught with deep personal convictions on both sides of the fence.  So my desire is to tread lightly as I share my thoughts with you. The problem is though, I think, that in blogging about this, it will probably come across as a “rant.” I would much rather share my thoughts and personal convictions with you all in a friendly conversation. Keep that in mind.

Up until recently, I think Dave and I would have defined ourselves as fence-sitters regarding the home school/public school debate. We really agreed with arguments on both sides of the issue…and when we sent Elijah to public school four years ago it was because it was just the easiest thing to do. To be brutally and painfully honest with you (and myself), it was a free babysitting service (ouch!). The fact that he was learning something was just an added bonus.

Sure, we may have quoted the “salt and light” verse (Matt. 5:13-16) for good measure…with naivete, I believe, and without ever stopping to think of how our children could actually be salt and light in a school setting.  Without taking time to consider whether or not they were…well, “salty” enough.  Because Matt. 5:13 makes two things clear:  1) As Christians, we are to be the salt of the earth but 2) it is possible for a Christian to not be salty enough.  In which case they would be “trampled underfoot.”

So, do I think my kids were/are salty enough to be placed in a public school setting?  No.  And I say this simply because they have not had time to “marinate.”  Dave and I have realized that our children aren’t going to be salt and light just because we quote that verse and hope that it happens.  We don’t believe that one becomes automatically salty when they take that first step and decide to follow Jesus.  While there are some things that we inherit straight away, like forgiveness and direct access to the Father’s throne, saltiness isn’t one of them.

Saltiness comes, rather, through time spent in the the Lord’s presence, in the Word and in prayer…”marinating,” if you will.  It’s only been recently that Dave and I have started to cultivate these disciplines in our childrens’ lives.  And we are jealous for more time with Elijah and Zeke especially; after a long, seven-hour, rigorous day at school there just hasn’t been much time or energy left over for “marinating” this past year.

I guess what it boils down to for me is that I don’t feel like I’m doing a good job of discipling my children by sending them to a public school. (In fact, I feel like I’m letting the Bloomington Public School system disciple my kids.  Obviously a disconcerting thought!)   The Great Commission can certainly be used as an argument against homeschooling, but in my opinion it only strengthens it.  Jesus said, “go and make disciples of all nations.”  Granted, I don’t have very far to go and my nation is small but I’ve no doubt that I’m doing my part in fulfilling the Great Commission in discipling my children through homeschooling.  The Great Commission says nothing about us sending anybody…anywhere.  Our job is to do the discipling.  Jesus, through the Holy Spirit, will do the sending.  Are a seven and nine year old able to grasp the concept or responsibility of being sent and “making disciples?”   Mmmm…maybe.  Mine aren’t yet.  They are still very much in need of being discipled.

So, that’s a little bit of what is going on inside my head and heart.  As I read over my words and get ready to post this I’m realizing that this entry is more for me than it is for you.  A lot of the times, for me, the fog lifts off of my thoughts when I can get them down in black and white.  And as I move forward in this homeschooling thing I’m definitely going to need clear, concrete convictions to fall back on when the going gets rough.

I have much more to share but I’ll save it for Part III.  Thanks for reading!  And please, feel free to comment, agree or disagree with me. 

P.S.  Here’s a totally random piece of information for you.  I’m craving Cheese Whiz today…and I feel kind of embarrassed about it.

We’ve just finished off The Horse and His Boy, and, with great excitement have started on the last book in The Chronicles of Narnia  series, The Last Battle.  The boys have heard from their babysitter that this is the very best book in the series, so the anticipation has been growing as we read through the first six books!   I’m really looking forward to reading this book as well, in light of our families recent interest in studying the End Times.  I’ve loved so much the unique way that C.S. Lewis brings biblical truths to life in these books, and I’m anxious to peer into his insight on eschatology.

Below is one of my favorite lines from The Horse and His Boy.  Spoken by a talking Horse named Hwin upon her first encounter with Aslan, it so struck me as something that I want  to be able to say.

“Please,” she said, “you’re so beautiful.  You may eat me if you like.  I’d sooner be eaten by you than fed by anyone else.”

…Oh! …To be so fascinated with the Lord and His beauty that every other pleasure in life just seems irrelevant…to have such a revelation of His majesty that for Him to consume my thoughts, my dreams, my time, my everything  is what makes me tick. 

P.S.  We’re already discussing what our next series of books will be.  Any suggestions?

This is my very favorite blog.  (In fact, over the last few months, when my media diet has been very lean, this was the only blog I followed.  Randy Bohlender, it’s author, always puts forth such good thought-nuggets to mull over, that it just didn’t feel like reading a blog…and I made an exception.  I guess I felt more like I was being challenged and encouraged than the glorified stalking that I sometimes feel the blogging world, facebook and the like can become for me!)  I linked to it once before, back in September ’08, right after the Bohlenders had adopted twin baby girls. 

Back in November I read this post by Randy and it impacted me greatly.  “On having 7″  was written shortly after the Bohlenders had adopted their twins and - get this! - after they had just discovered they were pregnant with #7.  The post is excellent, very well written, and thought provoking.  It’s quite a long read, but time well spent in my opinion.  Here is a little excerpt, which will, hopefully, make you want to read more (either that or you’ll be completely offended):

We have so wholeheartedly bought into the fabled American dream that we are willing to limit our future by limiting the size of our families. We’re trading arrows in our quiver for a third garage stall, our flesh and blood inheritance for a plasma screen tv.   Making this choice, we are willingly being short sighted and ultimately, hurting the Gospel’s reach in our area.

I want to reiterate – I’m not arguing that every Christian couple should have a family as large as ours….but I am convinced that more should than presently do…

Then again, I’m just a blogger. Inquire of the Lord, friends, and follow His lead.

(I want to echo Randy’s thought that not every Christian couple should have a large family.  I don’t think that at all…at all, at all.  I guess, primarily, my thoughts are that large families should be applauded and supported…not puzzled over. )

Anyway, after I read this post, I sent a brief prayer heavenward:  Lord, yes!  I want to raise many children to know you!  I choose more children over my personal comfort.  At the time though, I guess I thought that from here on out, our family would be growing through adoption, and not through pregnancy.  I guess I was wrong! 

But now…on to the subject for which this post is titled, The Zoe Foundation.  The Bohlenders have just started The Zoe Foundation (named after their first adopted daughter), an organization aimed at helping families adopt, through education and financial resourses.  The little promo video below will give more insight into what it is about and…well, just watch it… it’ll give you goosebumps!  The vision that they are setting forth, of the church rising up and adopting the “unwanted,” is just breathtaking…  I’m in! How ’bout you?

I’m reading Luke 2:1-20 this evening at our Christmas Eve service and as I read through this passage this morning, I couldn’t stop the tears from coming.  I read this story as for the first time, but it also occurred to me that the story of Jesus’ birth is so much more than a part of history; so much more than just a written account of something that happened two thousand years ago.  It is a loud and resounding affirmation that the words written by the ancient prophets are true, all  true, and that the rest of God’s word will come to pass.  It cannot be stopped.  Incredible.  The baby that we read about and whose birth we will celebrate tomorrow grew up into a man, was crucified, rose again, defeated sin and death, and lives forever in a glorified human body.  But here’s the best part:  He’s coming again, as the God-Man, to rule forever, and will establish perfect peace, justice and righteousness.

It’s easy to get preoccupied with the manger at Christmastime, I think.  The baby Jesus is easy to deal with.  We think, “Awww…there was no room for him in the inn, but I’ll make a little room for him in my life.”  So we remember the Christmas story amidst all our festivities and Christmas traditions.  The Jesus who grew up into a man, though, demands much, much more than just a little space in our lives.  He wants our hearts, our minds, our stregnth.  He demands it all.  He will  come again and declare war on sin and unrighteousness and, to put it bluntly, it’s going to be a hostile take over.  He’s not coming as a baby this time, and he won’t be crucified again.  Many will hate his leadership.  The cool thing is is that we can give Jesus rule over our lives now, we can chose to love his leadership in our lives now. 

This Christmas I pray that you will reflect on the real meaning of Christmas.  Yes, it began in a manger, but it reaches far into eternity and transends our finite understanding of a God who became flesh for us.  It is about a plan set in motion by Holy God to set up his kingdom here on earth.  And we get to be part of it.

Have a Merry Christmas everyone!

I wanted to throw a curve ball into this discussion about God’s mercy vs. His judgement.  (Although, granted, this hasn’t really been much of a discussion.  It’s been pretty one-sided.  Don’t be afraid to leave comments if you disagree with me.  You can even tell me I’m completely out of my mind…I won’t take it personally.    Just don’t be like the generation of Jesus’ day:  ‘We played the flute for you, and you did not dance; we sang a dirge and you did not mourn.’   Matt. 11:17.  Apathy is never a good place to hang out.)

Here’s why I believe the idea of the Lord being the Righteous Judge of the earth is so very offensive to our minds:  right now, the subject of justice is fueled largely by human sentiment and political platforms.  For instance, when we approach the issue of justice with this question:  “Why does God allow so much injustice to happen on the earth?” we are missing the more pertinent question of, “Why does God allow anyone to live?” for we are all guilty of injustice.  Much of the present justice movement has a theology that is fueled by humanism, which starts with the plight of humans rather than the plight of the Godhead. 

So, with these thoughts in mind, I want to look at judgement from God’s point of view.  I feel like God has given me just a little bit of revelation into this lately, and I wanted to share it with you.

A very normal response to the book of Revelation is to conclude that God is just a big ol’ meanie, some kind of cosmic Father with a serious rage “issue” that could definitely benifit from some anger management classes!  It seems that He’s finally flown off the handle and is now just pummelling the human race with what ever He can come up with.  I was struck, though, lately, with this verse found in Revelation:  “Then I saw another mighty angel coming down from heaven. He was robed in a cloud, with a rainbow above his head; his face was like the sun, and his legs were like fiery pillars.”   (10:1)  Did you catch the bit about the rainbow?  Doesn’t that strike you as a bit odd, that in the middle of God’s wrath being poured out on earth, we are reminded of God’s covenant with Noah?  Take a second to the read the Noahic Covenant found in Genesis 9: 13-16:

I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life.  Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.”

Wow…that’s no small covenant!  God, in promising to never again destroy the entire earth with a flood, is establishing a covenant that, no matter how evil the earth becomes, no matter how much human kind rebels against Him, He will show mercy from here on out. 

So, what’s with the rainbow over the angels head?  Why is God reminding us of His promise to show mercy when He’s sending a bunch of really, really severe judgements to earth.  Here’s something for you to chew on…something to consider:  God’s end-time judgements are  His mercy. 

“Huh?  Wha’?” you ask. 

Think about it.  God has every right to just obliterate the entire human race right now in human history.  Sin and evil are escalating at an ever increasing rate.  We’ve legalized killing our babies.  Pornography is now a totally acceptable form of entertainment.  Theft is on the rise.  These things are now even polluting the church.  If we don’t mirror what was happening in Noah’s day, then we’re pretty close.  God could, in complete justice, say “That’s it!  I’ve had enough!”  But no, our God is a covenant keeping God.  He will honour every covenant He has made with humankind 

So, God, honouring his covenant to show mercy, starts shaking things up at the end of the age.  He starts “kicking the props away.”  The props that lead us to humanism, to hedonism, to atheism and agnosticism.  One of the most terrifying of the end-time judgements, in my opinion, is the demonic plague of locusts that come out of the bottomless pit (Rev. 9:1-11).  They are given permission to torment whomever does not have the seal of God upon them for five months.  Wow.  Seems a bit much, doesn’t it?  “How is that merciful?” you might be thinking. 

Here’s how I’ve come to understand it:  In the last hours of human history the earth will be filled with demon worship. (Rev. 9:21)  People will actually be openly worshiping demons, probably mostly because the Antichrist will be directing them to do so, I think.  Many, many people will succumb to the deception that demonic worship is to their benefit.  But God, in His mercy, lifts the veil to the spiritual realm, and allows humanity to see exactly what they’re worshiping:  demons whose only desire is to destroy and torment human beings.  He does this, obviously, to give men and women a chance to turn and repent.

We see this same principle at work in the story of the Israelites’ exodus from Egypt (a story that gives a tremendous amount of insight into the book of Revelation).  I mean, why didn’t God just cut straight to the death of the firstborn?  Why the ten plagues that grow in severity from one to the next? …Because He wanted to give the Egyptians a chance to repent!  He wanted to give them clear, indisputable evidence that He alone was the One, True God; the only God worthy of worship.  And do you know what?  The Bible tells us that many other people, besides the Israelites, left Egypt at the time of the exodus.  (Exodus 12:38)  The end-time judgements will produce the same!  Many people will choose the God of heaven, as they see with clarity that He is real.  (And I might add that it will be the the Church at the end of the age who will lead many into understanding of what is happening!  That is why it’s so essential for us to gain insight into the things to come.)

So, my point is this:  the book of Revelation may seem pretty severe, and it may not make perfect sense to us on this side of eternity, but we can be assured that it’s not just an account of God flying off into a blind, murderous rage at the end of the age.  The book of Revelation is as much a story about God’s mercy as it is about His judgement.