Category Archives: head to heart

I love this…

“All this time the Lion’s song, and stately prowl, to and fro, backward and forward was going on.  What was rather alarming was that at each turn he came a little nearer.  Polly was finding the song more and more interesting because she thought she was beginning to see the connection between the music and the things that were happening.  When a line of dark firs sprang up on a ridge about a hundred yards away she felt that they were connected with a serious of deep, prolonged notes which the Lion had sung a second before.  And when he burst into a rapid series of lighter notes she was not surprised to see primroses suddenly appearing in every direction.  Thus, with an unspeakable thrill, she felt quite certain that all the things were coming (as she said) “out of the Lion’s head.”  When you listened to his song you heard the things he was making up; when you looked round you, you saw them.  This was so exciting that she had no time to be afraid.  But Digory and the Cabby could not help feeling a bit nervous as each turn of the Lion’s walk brouhgt him nearer.”

“They were little angels.” “You’re kids are awesome!” “I’d love to babysit again sometime.” As you can imagine, it’s very nice to hear these things from a babysitter when we arrive home from an evening out!

But are you like me? Do you ever think, “Hmmm…little angels? Really? Sure, they’re cute, but I’m not sure I’d use that phrase to describe my children!”

Last night we arrived home from a fantastic, formal Valentine’s Dinner at our church, (oh, it was so much fun to get all jazzed up!) to find our 12-year-old babysitter peacefully playing with the LiteBrite with all three children! The four of them were taking turns putting a peg in. Elijah and Zeke jumped up when they saw us, and excitedly led us to their room, which we discovered had been completely cleaned up! Wow!

So, I’m wondering…”Why is it, that a 12-year-old girl seems to have better control over my kids than even I do sometimes?” I’m sure all you parents out there know the answer to that question, as do I. It embarrasses me to say that I can’t remember the last time I set aside four hours, and just played with my kids! Eeek! My kids are “little angels” for babysitters, because they get 100%, undivided attention from them while they’re here!

Of course, it’s unrealistic for me to do that all the time…where would we get clean underwear, or supper? However, I do need to keep perspective, and remember that it is more than OK to sit down in the middle of a complete mess when Zeke and Noah want me to help them build a traintrack! I’m learning – albeit slowly – but I am learning.

(I know there’s a movie out with this title right now, but don’t worry, I’m not going to do a movie review!  It was a cute movie though…we saw it, and a few others when my mother was visiting!)

I’ve just been thinking about this concept lately, sparked partly by seeing the movie, but mostly by things happening in my life recently.  So I’m wondering…can happiness be persued and…”caught?”  Personally, I don’t believe so.  I am most happy in my life when I am living honestly - with myself, my Lord, and others - and when I take time to enjoy simple moments.  When this becomes the focus of my life, happiness becomes…well, almost like a by-product.  Something that flows out of me, instead of being possesed by me. 

So, here’s the thing…I wanted to dispell the myth right now that I’m hoping for a girl (I’ve been asked this way to many times already!), and will be dissapointed with a boy.  I would love to have another boy!  And I don’t believe for a second that having a girl will make me happy. 

I did.  For a long time I did.  I believed that the “perfect” family was one boy, and one girl.  And this lie still tries to sneak it’s way into my head.  I can’t tell you how many people (christian people too!) with the “perfect” family, have said to me – with a look of pity – “We just got lucky, and had a boy and a girl right away.”  And I’m left wondering, “So, you think I’m terribly unlucky?”

No way!  I love my three boys immensely, and I am beyond lucky, I am blessed!  They’re amazing, and it’s exciting to imagine the men that they will become someday.  I love applauding their stregnths, guiding them through their weaknesses, and watching them learn about life.  There is happiness in this!   (And by the way, luck has nothing to do with the sex of our children – I know my children have been hand-picked by the Lord for our family!)

OK, I’m done.  I’m definately an introvert…an inward processor, and I rarely share such thoughts with people.  I hope I’ve made you think…and if I haven’t, then at least you’ll be one less person that will ask me, “You must be hoping for a girl?” 

One of the deepest ways a woman bears the image of God is in her mystery. By “mystery” we don’t mean “forever beyond knowing,” but “something to be explored.” “It is the glory of God to conceal a matter,” says the book of Proverbs, “to search out a matter is the glory of kings” (25:2). God yearns to be known. But He wants to be sought after by those who would know Him. He says, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart” (Jer. 29:13). There is dignity here; God does not throw himself at any passerby. He is no harlot. If you would know Him you must love Him; you must seek Him with your whole heart. This is crucial to any woman’s soul, not to mention her sexuality. “You cannot simply have me. You must seek me, pursue me. I won’t let you in unless I know you love me.”

Ahhh…a moment of peace. Noah is down for his morning nap and Elijah and Zeke are having their bath. I like doing baths in the morning since it is the only way to tame their wild hair. And maybe I shouldn’t do this, but sometimes I let them play in there for over an hour. They have a blast and it is very relaxing for me.

Anyway, did anyone see the new “Ten Commandments” movie that was on TV last night? It really didn’t tickle my fancy, and I think I like the old one better, but the Holy Spirit really used the ancient truths of that story to speak to me. I am soooo much like the Israelites. After their initial adrenaline rush of physically leaving Egypt, they were so quick to attack Moses. “Where are we going?” “Where will we live ’till we get there?” “We will die in the desert.” “We should have stayed in Egypt. We were slaves, but at least we had homes and food.”

I am going to an inner healing small group with about 5 other ladies, and right now, if I am truthful, I really don’t want to experience inner healing. I would rather remain a slave to the underlying lies I have believed about myself all my life. Why? Because I am comfortable. Really comfortable. I experienced an “adrenaline rush” – if you will – at our last meeting when I shared and received prayer for something (I will share more about this under “about” in the next few days if you’re interested), but now I wonder if I really want to go on this journey. I know there is freedom and the Promised Land on the other side, but…well…I am soooo much like the Israelites! I want to want to though!

At a mom’s group I was at this morning we talked about how Satan, as the father of Lies, loves to fill mother’s heads with untruth. Since it would be a little weird to start a conversation with, “Hello, and what new lies has Satan been feeding to you lately?” we all think that others are fine – that we are the only ones feeling less than. So our small group is compiling a list of lies. We’re going to put them in a pamphlet form, and share them with each other so that we can stand together against our enemy. Feel free to contribute a lie that I can add to the list. 

Added April 6th.  Here are a few lies that I have believed in my six years of being a Mom.  – She has lost all her “baby weight” and her baby is only a month old!  I should look like her.  – Why isn’t my baby doing that?  He should be.  – I’m so busy and tired.  God doesn’t mind if I don’t spend time in the Word  (This one is tricky, because it’s partially true.  God is full of grace in this area, but…well, come on).  – She’s got everything together.  Look at her kids.  They’re perfect.  – Read lots of parenting books.  (This is not intrinsically wrong, but it can distract us from what we – what I - need to be doing more for our kids:  Praying for them.         

From time to time I will be posting something that I am thinking through. Here’s one…

John 7:37b and 38, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.”

Do we believe that? This living water, we are told in the following verse (vs. 39), is the Holy Spirit. We have this promise of the Holy Spirit from Jesus. If we come to him and drink of him. We will have the Spirit flowing in and through us. Flowing speaks of never quitting – not running out. We want to have a flowing heart in the Lord. A heart that is continually experiencing the real, right now, presence of the Lord. This is our inheritance. This is our divine calling as his people.

But I can be so easily satisfied with a little of His love. Just a tiny touch. A glimpse. A little droplet of rain instead of a steady flow of living water. We can think that on Sunday morning, for instance, when we are touched by His Spirit in a small way; when we have an experience, we get goose bumps, we cry a little, we’re inspired by the worship, the message. We stop there. We leave saying “Yes…wow…I am satisfied.” But the Lord has so much more for us. The things that happen on a Sunday morning, at a prayer meeting, a small group, in our quiet time are awesome and great. But these are just a small taste of what the Lord has for us. They are but a gift. A free gift. Something to make us want more. Make us thirsty to seek Him. We can’t be satisfied with the appetizers. He desire that we flow with him daily. He desires that our hearts come fully alive, daily.

So then we may ask, “What is it that keeps us from going for it? What is it that takes away thirst? Why aren’t we experiencing a flowing heart. I don’t pretend to have it all figured out but for me, right now, it comes down to what I chose to fill my time with. I fill my life with so much stuff that I am not giving room for the Holy Spirit to flow. It is like I am snacking on junk food all day…I do not feel at all hungry at the end of the day but I am starving for something substantial. If I do this day after day. I will die. I will starve myself to death without ever really feeling hungry. This, I believe, is what we do a lot. We are filled with activity, with stuff, we do not put ourselves in a place of allowing ourselves to feel hungry…a place that we feel real thirst, I mean really thirsty. On my heart recently; has been a prayer to have God strip away the things that prevent me from experiencing just how thirsty and hungry I am for Him. The activity of my week is becoming more and more empty…more meaningless if I am not flowing with living water…with the Holy Spirit.

When we see Him, when He touches us, when we are ignited again with a tiny touch, a glimpse, a little droplet of rain, a small spark of passion and desire for Him…are we willing to do what it takes to have that small spark of passion become a bonfire? Are we willing to deny ourselves the pleasures of this world, what is immediate , what we can see for what is to come. The kingdom of God is upon us. His real kingdom is coming more and more. Are we willing to give up the things we can see for what is unseen. Let’s go for Him this together!

I am asking the Holy Spirit that I would have a huge dissatisfaction for the things of this world that would keep me and my time filled with what will not last. I want a flowing heart. I want a heart…I want a life that is not cluttered with unnecessary things that so easily distract me from the best things. I want to be fully present with what God has for me. I want to be filled with purpose. To have an agenda that is set by the Holy Spirit and not set by the immediate. I want to be filled with vision that comes direct from His heart. Give me a taste, Lord…a want…a thirst for the deep things of You. I want living water…your Spirit…to flow.

*I got thinking about this while listening to Mike Bickle’s “Power Of A Focused Life” ihop.org